Frequently Asked Questions

How taking sides effects the children


“Loyalty Binds”

Parents place their children in “loyalty binds” when they ask them to take sides, either overtly or in more subtle ways. It can be as simple as one parent suggesting that a child not comply with the other parent’s request. All divorced parents place their children in loyalty binds from time to time, but failure to take corrective action is when the real damage begins. Ultimately there is no way for children caught in such binds to win. Children need permission to love and be loved by both parents. Asking them to take sides is taking away that permission and telling the child the love of one parent is conditional, or dependent upon the child’s “choice” regarding which parent they “love more.” The legacy of this damage tends to persist into adulthood when these children, as adults, typically experience problems with intimate relationships and have trouble managing anger and conflicts constructively. NCPC helps parents identify, early on in the process, the binds that they are creating and helps them develop strategies to either stop the “binding” of their children or to take appropriate corrective action when it does occur. NCPC Contact